Mom, I want a hug...
...my son extends his arms as far as they can reach, wraps himself around my neck and squeezes with as much strength as he can muster up to fulfill his need. The song "Hooked on a feeling" plays in my head while my mind and body live in the moment.
I don't think I need to explain what was the best thing that happened to me today. There was a time when I wasn't sure if I would hear my son call me mommy, much less have him ask for a hug. How surreal it is to receive such a request.
Hugs or the act of hugging have great emotional and medical benefits. They release endorphins that can aid in pain relief and boosting your immune system (Article Alley). Additionally, a hug can reduce tension and help a person's confidence and self-esteem. While in the grips of a hug, a sense of security warms you, love can be reaffirmed, appreciation generated, and breathing restored. I would venture to say that hugging can be a form of meditation by getting a person to step away from the anxieties of the minute, day, or life. It is for these reasons that I put so much importance on teaching my son the steps to giving a great hug.
Have you ever been taught to give a great hug? Most of us learn the action by receiving and experiencing the feeling. This is not the case for my son who is autistic. A great hug is a reciprocal motion (it involves both, receiving and giving). Sure, the hug can be one one-sided, but the benefits are diminished. It is with this thought that I spent the past year teaching my 6 year old son the "art" of hugging.
Every night before bedtime, I kiss my son goodnight and ask for a hug. He understood when I held or hugged him during trigger moments to soothe. We even have a song I made up called(what else) "HUGS". This wasn't enough. I needed him to know the feeling of a hug for reasons that really go beyond reasoning. Usually, we just want or need a hug. It is a physical attachment but equally (if not more) emotionally driven. He needed to become a participant in our hugs and reciprocate. This is a tall expectation for a person who is uncomfortable with the contact and touch of such an engaging action. I forged forward because I felt it is necessary for his emotional health and happiness. I didn't want him missing out on that "hooked on a feeling" kind of grip.
I will admit that teaching my son to hug has its benefits. I get to look forward to at least one hug a day (I am a hug hoarder so I usually "practice" many more times when I can). I knew I needed to provide my son with the exact sequence of steps, repetition, and routine for him to discover and learn the "art" of hugging (great). I began with a break down of a hug:
1.) Desire/Emotional - " I need a hug"
2.) Body/Arms placement - I used the same words - "I need arms" (asking for arms extended and would physically extend them myself at the beginning to show him what he needed to do). This is also a universal and non-verbal signal to another person during a hug request.
3.) Arms wrapped - I physically wrapped his arms around my neck or shoulders until he began doing this movement naturally and independently.
4.) Motion - I use the same words - "Squeeze!" I squeeze tightly asking and showing him my expectation.
5.) Duration - This step is hardest for my son. I try to stay in the hug grasp for as long as I can before feeling him pull away. It is important for a hug to be substantial in order to give and get the maximum emotional benefit.
6.) Routine - I teach this at the same time each day (at bedtime). It has become part of the routine and has helped establish an expectation. My son is reciprocating my hugs and, judging by today's request, generalizing into other moments too.
Learning that hugging is not merely a rote-motion, but is an E-motion was my goal. I think I achieved it. Learning that you (readers) may need a hug was enlightening and motivated this entry. From a past posting titled "will work for", I read this comment:
Will work for "epic hugs". People don't hug enough. I want to be hugged like you mean it. to feel loved for that moment
Epic Hugs - I loved the description because when done right, all hugs can be epic.
Fun Facts on hugs:
Types of hugs: Bear Hug, Pound Hug (a man hug) - wikipedia
National Hugging Day - January 21st
Letter known for sending hugs - "O"
Sending...O O O O
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