Shocked, Humiliated, and Short-changed...
This is what Taylor Swift may have felt during last nights award ceremony at the 2009 Video Music Awards. I know I felt it along with her.
In continuing my efforts to learn about the interests of the current teen population, I was happy when the young female performer won. After Taylor Swift began to speak of dreaming of that very moment, her "moment" was so rudely interrupted by a person with a different view. I first became appalled , then saddened by the event.
What gives another person the right to judge someone? What gives another person the right to think they are above all others? What gives another person the right to publicly humiliate someone? What gives another person the right ?!!
I sat for the rest of the show upset and uneasy. I thought I should really get a grip on reality. After all, I don't know these people and I was in no way directly affected by the rejection. Then, Beyonce won and, very appropriately and eloquently, gave the floor back to Taylor Swift. It was a great gesture. Unfortunately, I think the moment had already been stripped away.
My mind was so unsettled. I realized that it is because I truly understood what Taylor Swift felt in that "moment". With even more intensity and realization, some of my son's (who is on the Autism Spectrum) moments are stripped away. The reasons may vary and can be just symptomatic of being autistic, yet others(in the future) will occur because of the lack of educational enlightenment. Regardless, it is not fair! I understand that we cannot change what we cannot control, but we can change and impact what we can control (education).
For most parents, there is an assumption early on (before birth) of what your children will accomplish. You assume your child will have a voice and you will hear them call you mommy or daddy. You assume your child will play by himself and with others. You assume that your child will complete tasks independently so you can cheer for them and be the "proud parent". These are moments for parents to enjoy. They are affirmations and "fruits of labor", rewarding parents for their dedication. Did you ever consider or can you even comprehend, that despite all your efforts, these moments could be stripped from your enjoyment pleasure? For parents with children on the autism spectrum, we are stripped of the "typical" developmental moments. Similar to Taylor Swift, we may not get that moment to shine and hear our child call out mommy. Our child is struggling to communicate. What may seem easy to most of us is actually a complicated series of processes and oral motor movements. Those of us lucky enough to experience that first speaking moment or the moment we are called mommy, are usually in a moment all by ourselves because it happened later for our child. Our friends have past that excitement. Though I will admit that my appreciation for such moments may be heightened, it still leaves us in a kind of group that has been "left behind".
This leads me to my autistic son's stripped moments. He is really why I was so upset after seeing VMA winner, Taylor Swift, publicly put down. She worked hard and didn't deserve that kind of treatment. It was like watching my own child up on the stage. Can you just imagine how her parents must have reacted? The theory is that if you work hard, you will be rewarded, accepted, and make people proud. The theory doesn't state that there might be a couple of bad "eggs" that will try to take your thunder away. Most of us do overcome these little nuances, but it doesn't make it right.
I wonder if there will be a Kanye West getting in the way of my son's, self-satisfying, moments? I already despise this imaginary person and worry because I'm not sure how many little nuances we can actually get past without it effecting my son's self-esteem and social placement in society, something that is so difficult for him to work through as it is. I am hoping that my son does not realize that some typical moments his peers enjoy, he has yet to experience. His ignorance, I am certain, is limited in time. Soon (if he hasn't already), he will notice in phys. ed. that his peers are able to play the games better. Soon, he will notice the frustrations of others or the strange looks as he talks incessantly about one particular area of interest. He only does this to engage that person. It is his way of socializing. Without peer education, the Kanye West's will capitalize on such a weaknesses. His moments of accomplishments may be stripped.
I can only hope that there will be a person who will allow my son to enjoy his moments of success, as Beyonce did last night. This will not happen without his peers understanding and reaching out to him. Beyonce understood what it felt like to receive a VMA for the first time. She wanted to give that "moment" to Taylor Swift. The typical teen may not even realize their own "moments". Will they know to support an autistic peer experience a moment? If fact, because most moments will have passed for the typical peer, the Kanye West's in the world may feel the need to publicly humiliate our children for their delay. We need a teen educational ambassador. Taylor Swift, now that you can empathize, we need you to take a stand and help us with our mission so that our children don't get their moments stolen from them too! Send me a tweet: http://www.twitter.com/pressdough .
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